THIS IS MY HEAD. KIND OF.

Is this right? Is anything right?
The sun still shines, clouds still fly in the sky, the rain still comes but somehow It’s not right…

I wrote a poem today about colors. Today’s a nice shade of drab grey clouds, mixed with a light yellow sun. A normal day, maybe.

Sometimes I dream about a place I’ve never been to. It’s a beautiful place, with beautiful colorful scenes of nature, and beautifully intoxicating scents of love and clean. No smog, nothing but beautiful sunshine and fresh air.

I want to go there someday to stay. Give everything up to be in that place even for a minute. How happy I would be, how content I would feel.

Maybe someday..

I would rather write her a song, because songs don’t wait to resolve, and because songs mean so much to her. Stories wait for endings, but songs are brave things bold enough to sing when all they know is darkness.

From the To Write Love On Her Arms mission statement.

Music saved my life. It’s a weird thing to think of, but if music never existed I wouldn’t be capable of being happy. Music has a way of making pain beautiful, making love magnificent, making our world relatable, making the human experience a tolerable thing.

I have great appreciation for musicians, singers, artists of all kinds.

Now I’m off to listen to my wonderful country music. LOL.

When does the madness stop?

When you’re born, you get this notion that you can do whatever you want with your life, but really, with social restraints in our current economy, there is no class mobility.

A white male and a native american female.

What’s funny is that in 4/5 years, I will have the education and knowledge to fuck with all these white people who have always doubted my intellect. My boyfriend who I care for immensely, is going to go on a ride with me to the top. We will make awesome music. Live wonderfully. It’s not gonna be an easy ride. I have more restraints on me than my boyfriend who is white and is a guy, but, I have ambition, drive, and the will to get what I want.

It’s ridiculous when you walk into an AP Physics classroom and the class asks you if you’re lost because you don’t fit into the social norms the class is used to.

It’s also ridiculous when you’re forced to drop out of a full ride at a well known university because you got sick with the flu for over a month and the Native Americans in power at the school tell you that you’re going to fail at life because your professors that were supposed to help anyone who did get sick weren’t willing to help you get caught up.

Ridiculous, this world is..

I’m not lazy. I may be a little fat, but fuck you. I do more work on a daily basis than a lot of people out there. In my 21 years: I have helped raise a 9 year old, I’ve taken care of my mother. Experienced the worst pains from overworking myself. I’ve gone without food longer than anyone I know willingly and unwillingly. I survived a bad case of necrotizing pancreatitis at 16. I’ve made it out alive some of the worst situations. You don’t even want to know what I’ve been through.

I just have one rule for myself.

Smile everyday.

I had it tattooed for a reason.

This is hell.

Constantly moving, brightly lit screens telling you what to buy, people telling you to keep going. Cars on the freeway racing past one another, it’s disgusting.

Bass blaring, cigarette smoking girl.

You don’t know anything about this life..

None of us do.

Why would you take people away from the world that are so good?

Why would you make them suffer?

Why do you make me suffer..

There really isn’t anything for us. Eternal Hell, or so it seems. Who do you think you are? Making people that have nothing but goodness in their hearts, suffer so severely, and feel like there’s nothing.

Because there is nothing…

One way out, but do you really want that?

Right now. I’m gonna just focus on myself, my boyfriend, and the music and visual art we can make this summer.

Don’t help people who truly don’t appreciate it. It will only set you back..

I’m so high on life right now, nothing’s taking me down. It’s me and him against the fucking world.

We’re gonna blow this shit away.

Hehehe.. What a wonderful day. (not that I need an excuse for a wonderful day such as today..)

Just sayin..

These are some facts:

I like bright colors, (Pink, Purple, Blue, Green, even yellow), and just because I wear them does not make me “scene” or whatever you kids are calling it these days..

I like punk rock, but that doesn’t mean I have to wear old worn out clothes and plaid, and whatever else people associate with punk rock.

I like (some) Hip-hop and rap. That doesn’t mean I have to dress like a “thug” or whatever..

I like my emo music, it makes me feel alive. It gives me hope that someone else feels like I have and has the ability to make it sound so beautiful through singing and composition.

I like heavy-metal, rock, “hardcore” or whatever the type of music they sub-genre everything in. I don’t like labels like that. I like music for what it is.

I like Dubstep. I just do. It’s like… Love. Especially when you’ve had too many energy drinks and the world just seems to move along to the beat.

But, most of all.

I LOVE Music.

Please don’t stereotype me because I dress, act, or talk a certain way.

I have not and will not ever be a label.

Thank you.

:)